This is not, by any means, a new conversation. I don’t think this type of personal disclosure is necessary to express interest in a romance novel, and if It Ends With Us, which is not a romance novel and contains a character who leaves her abuser, is not didactic enough to escape the accusation of “romanticizing abuse,” where does that leave everyone else? Doing everything “the right way” comes with a substantial risk.Īfter a few years of seeing this, I’ve had enough. The assertion about “romanticizing abuse,” which contains inside itself some amount of victim-blaming, is even more aggravating considering that during the act of leaving an abusive relationship-which is the universally approved way to respond to abuse-is when targets of abuse are subjected to the most violence by their abuser. And cops aren’t a shield from domestic violence-in fact, you’re pretty likely to encounter an abuser in blue by bringing the police into the equation.

The reasons vary but are largely systemic-without a social safety net, it’s easy to abuse someone not just physically, but financially, essentially trapping them. What I learned then, and what has been reaffirmed by studies, is that people largely don’t stay in abusive relationships because they think abusive behavior is romantic.

“Because they think it’s love,” my classmate answered confidently, an assertion that was methodically picked apart over the next 45 minutes.

It ends with ud